TMNT / by Michael Durr

My respect for Michael Bay is now below E!

I grew up with with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I remember watching the cartoons, jumping around doing ninja kicks, turning my sister's Barbie Corvette into a Shredder Mobile, stringing up toys to fishing line and tossing them out my bedroom window and dressing up as Michelangelo for Halloween. In addition, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles also reinforced my love of pizza.

Now, I don't want to jump to conclusions, (I am) but the trailer for the new TMNT appears to be exactly what I feared. Can someone say Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? I hate what movies have become! This doesn't apply to all movies, but movies that we grew up loving that have now been remade or sequelized into on-screen CG vomit. Do producers/directors even think moviegoers might like to see movies that look and feel like the ones we grew up with? The ones we've watched hundreds of times. The ones that spawned our imaginations and filled our closets with plastic replicas of the on-screen heroes. Would kids today enjoy those movies? I like to think they would.

Yes, Michael Bay I will give you Transformers. Keep in mind Transformers was never an actual live action movie. Yes, we grew up watching the cartoons and playing with the toys, but at least I did not have the visual of a live action 80's movie to reference when going to see Transformers. The scale and epic nature made at least a little more sense. Also, I could have done without Transformers II all together. Who knows what the fourth one has in store for us. ANYWAY...

I don't want to sound "old school" but will we ever see movies that have good stories, costumes, real pyrotechnics and stunts, as opposed to a freakin' digital video game with collapsing buildings, weak plots and supermodels in distress being saved by hulk sized CG monstrosities. Why do the plots always have to involve the scale and threat of world domination? Why does someone always have to be falling down a steep hill at an incredibly high rate of speed only to emerge at the bottom without so much as a scratch!

Does anyone remember in the original TMNT, Raphael was injured for 80% of the movie. It was still good! Does anyone remember Master Splinter's advice... vanish quickly without a trace. Good luck super-sized Leo. These new representations of our childhood heroes would not even be able to fit through a manhole and could probably eat an entire Pizza Hut and still have room for more. (bricks and all) If you want to make these movies that is fine, but don't get us excited thinking we are going to be able to relive some of our childhood memories by attaching the names of the movies we grew up with and then making complete garbage. NOTE: Please do not make Ghostbusters III. #frustrated

Will they ever make them like they used to?

Ok... three wasn't the greatest, but you can't win them all.